USuncutMN says: Tax the corporations! Tax the rich! Stop the cuts, fight for social justice for all. Standing in solidarity with http://www.usuncut.org/ and other Uncutters worldwide. FIGHT for a Foreclosure Moratorium! Foreclosure = homelessness. Resist the American Legislative Exchange Council, Grover Norquist and Citizen's United. #Austerity for the wheeler dealers, NOT the people.



We Are The 99% event

USuncutMN supports #occupyWallStreet, #occupyDC, the XL Pipeline resistance Yes, We, the People, are going to put democracy in all its forms up front and center. Open mic, diversity, nonviolent tactics .. Social media, economic democracy, repeal Citizen's United, single-payer healthcare, State Bank, Operation Feed the Homeless, anti-racism, homophobia, sexISM, war budgetting, lack of transparency, et al. Once we identify who we are and what we've lost, We can move forward.



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Showing posts with label satire. Show all posts
Showing posts with label satire. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

The Onion understands Obama, CONgressional Dems and "debt ceiling"


Obama: Debt Ceiling Deal Required Tough Concessions By Both Democrats And Democrats Alike

AUGUST 3, 2011 | ISSUE 47•31
WASHINGTON—A day after signing legislation that raised the government debt ceiling and authorized steep budget cuts, President Obama thanked Democrats as well as Democrats for their willingness to make tough, but necessary, concessions during negotiations. "I'm truly grateful that both Democrats and their Democratic counterparts were able to reach this consensus, accepting an agreement that is far from perfect not just for Democrats, but also for Democrats," Obama said Wednesday of the deal that cut federal spending $2.1 trillion over 10 years but included no revenue increases of any kind. "Lawmakers from across the political spectrum—from moderate Democrats to the more liberal members of the party to dyed-in-the-wool progressives—reached within the aisle and showed the nation that compromise requires real sacrifice from everyone." Obama added that while it may look ugly at times, politics is about Democrats giving up what they want, as well as Democrats giving up what they want, until an agreement can ultimately be reached.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Today I went to a Tea Party rally to celebrate becoming a billionaire

Today I went to a Tea Party rally to celebrate becoming a billionaire

This morning when I opened my e-mail I received a pleasant surprise, I have just inherited several billion dollars from a Saudi Prince.  As soon as I found out that our wars for oil had given me vast sums of money and power over the peasants of this great nation I knew that I needed to celebrate.  When I was told that there was going to be a rally at the Minnesota State Capitol where the duped peasants would teabag billionaires without even requiring us to buy them dinner first I knew I had to be there.
I donned my top hat and Armani tux and headed towards the Capitol to take a stand for a small government.  I wanted to ensure that government is limited to doing what is essential for the prosperity of this great nation.  The only role of government should be that which is outlined in the Constitution plus handing out really big contracts to Halliburton, subsidizing the oil industry, wiretapping the phones of peasants, torturing people, shooting the greedy immigrants who cross our border, making sure gays stay locked in the closet, ensuring women have no say over their bodies, starting wars, expanding the role of faith based institutions into government, busting up unions, bailing out bankers when they lose profits, and taking on other roles which benefit us billionaires.  My vision of small government is so powerful that I want to make sure more people get to be involved, that is why I supported spreading our small government to places like Iraq, Afghanistan, Libya and Pakistan.  I am hoping that soon we will be able to expand our small government to Iran as well, maybe we can even get some of those activist judges to stop paying attention to the parts of the Constitution that we don't like and allow some churches to become a part of our small government.
I arrived at the Capitol just minutes before my hero Michele Bachmann was about to take the stage.  There are very few people who have stood for the rights of billionaires to beat down dirty peasants like Michele Bachmann has, although I am proud to say that the entire Republican Party as well as many Democrats seem to be doing a great job of standing with her in her assault on the greedy workers who demand we actually pay them for their labor.
When we arrived at the Capitol I was impressed at all the support I received, my support for the billionaire agenda in plain terms seemed to be very well received.  I carried a sign which stated “Small Government, Big Wars” on one side and “Money for Halliburton Not For Schools” on the other and these were messages that seemed to resonate well with the Tea Party.  I received lots of smiles and people stopping to take my photo before I even found my billionaire friends.  
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When Michele Bachmann took the stage we went and stood as close as we could get to the podium, it was roped off so we couldn't get too close, but we were able to get a good enough spot that we were visible to most of the crowd as they looked up at Saint Bachmann.
Most people seemed to realize that we were standing with them to support the billionaire agenda, but there were a few people who somehow got the absurd idea that we were lefty infiltrators who were mocking them.  A few young Republicans crossed the ropes so they could stand in front of us and block our signs, but fortunately they are in the minority of the Republican Party and the GOP officials in charge of security stood by us billionaires like they always do so well and told the young Republicans to get on the other side of the ropes and it allowed the message of the wealthy elite to continue to be heard.
Later we moved to some steps alongside the stage so we could be closer to the crowd and one peasant came to yell in our faces to tell us we didn't belong there, he thought our signs were inappropriate even though they clearly stated the Tea Party agenda.  I couldn't quite understand how he could be opposed to a message like “Money for Halliburton Not For Schools” when that is very clearly the agenda that all the Republican members of Congress who spoke from the podium have stood so firmly for these past few years.  

It was a great rally and as a billionaire I was impressed with many of the signs, but the one that had the biggest impact on me was the most commonly seen sign at the event.  It carried the simple message “No New Taxes! No New Revenue!” and in fine print on the bottom of the sign it said “Prepared and Paid For by the Republican Party of Minnesota”.  I was so proud to see the Republicans have moved beyond the simple message of “No new taxes” and have taken an even bolder stance by taking the official position of “No new revenue” as well.  That may not be a position taken by anyone who is not lying when they say they are serious about reducing the size of the government, but the beautiful thing is that many peasants don't even know they are being lied to and will cheer for this agenda that only benefits billionaires like myself.  The Republican elites know as well as I do that if we don't collect revenue the government will not be able to pay its bills and then they can declare an emergency and say we are forced to sell off public assets to billionaires like me, we can then make huge profits off the backs of the American people.  Who needs public schools when people like me need to get another yacht to show off to the peasants who will never be able to ride it?
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Today I saw the greatness of an America that places corporate profits over human need...
Uh oh...
Right as I was about to wrap this post up I found out that the e-mail I received this morning was a scam.  I did not inherit billions from a Saudi Prince, it was all a lie.  I am still a peasant.  Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to cheer for the billionaire's agenda after all.

Friday, April 15, 2011

~ The FAKE GE PR release from 13 April, 2011 ~

GE Responds to Public Outcry – Will Donate Entire $3.2 Billion Tax Refund to Help Offset Cuts and Save American Jobs
 
Fairfield, CT, 13th April, 2011GE CEO Jeffrey Immelt has informed the Obama administration that the company will be gifting its entire 2010 tax refund, worth $3.2 Billion, to the US Treasury on April 18, Tax Day, and will furthermore adopt a host of new policies that secure its position as a leader in corporate social responsibility.
“We want the public to know that we’ve heard them, and that we know many Americans are going through tough times,” said GE CEO Jeffrey Immelt. “GE will therefore give our 2010 tax refund back to the public and allow the public to decide how to spend it.”
Immelt acknowledged no wrongdoing. “All seven of our foreign tax havens are entirely legal,” Immelt noted. “But Americans have made it clear that they deplore laws that enable tax avoidance. While we owe it to our shareholders to use every legal loophole to maximize returns – we also owe something to the American people. We didn't write the laws that let us legally avoid paying taxes. Congress did. But we benefit from those laws, and now we'd like to share those benefits. We are proud to be giving something back to America, and we are proud to set an example for all industry to follow.”
Over the coming weeks, GE will conduct a nationwide survey to determine how the company's $3.2 billion returned refund is to be allocated. The survey will be conducted both online and offline, and will permit the public to weigh in on which of the recently-enacted budget cuts they would like to see reversed.
In tandem with the gift, the company is also announcing a host of new policies to restore public faith in the GE brand, including a commitment to keep American jobs in America, and to create one U.S. job for each new job created abroad. The ambitious plan will overhaul accounting systems to allow public transparency and phase out the use of tax havens in five years. “Given my recent appointment as President Obama’s Chairman of the Council on Jobs and Competitiveness, it is no longer appropriate for GE to engage in practices that, whether by fact or perception, are at odds with the greater good of the nation," Immelt said.
Immelt outlined several concrete steps he would take to push for modernized tax policies that reflect the realities of the global economy. "I will personally ask President Obama to work with Congress to require country-by-country reporting by multi-national corporations of the sales made, profits earned and taxes paid in every jurisdiction where an entity operates. Instead of moving money via “transfer pricing,” corporations ought to pay taxes in the jurisdictions where profits are actually made. If Congress is able to establish standard industry-wide solutions, GE will close our tax haven operations abroad, including our subsidiaries in Bermuda, Singapore and Luxembourg."

Further details on GE’s new policy will be released in the coming weeks.

About GE
GE (NYSE: GE) is an advanced technology, services and finance company taking on the world’s toughest challenges. Dedicated to innovation in energy, health, transportation and infrastructure, GE operates in more than 100 countries and employs about 300,000 people worldwide. For more information, visit the company's Web site at www.ge.com.

PRESS CONTACTS

Samuel Winnacker
GE Corporate, Assistant Director
Communications & Public Affairs 
+1 615 375 6658 
 

Thursday, April 7, 2011

~ Billionaires Thank Legislators ~

Keeping the Billionaire’s effective tax rate at 8.8% on all of us and all our dears friends with incomes over $481,439 is a higher priority than frivolous programs such as education, healthcare, mass transit, parks, roads as well as those other silly worries such as libraries and  rehab/mental health services.    Isn’t this obvious?

It is to feel tired thinking of such things, we’ll tell you that for free. 

The middle class really ought pay  their 12.5% rate because there are more people in the middle class!  We don’t feel it necessary to help them out; afterall who hires them?  We do.

The government must cut back.  And we, the clever ones that we are,, know the reasons why:

  • We have too many highly paid teachers and social workers.  There is no reason for them to not have bigger classes and heavier case loads.   None at all.
  • There are just too many libraries in Minnesota.  Let’s take a mass of them to the fiscal chopping block.
  • We don’t need mass transit.  Walking is good.
  • Health care is an individual responsibility and two-tiered healthcare cuts down on our waiting lines.  We must never be kept waiting, you know.
  • There are just too many parks and bike trails and maintaining them is so tediously expensive.   So we know Mother Nature should take care of it.
  • People should fix their own potholes – that’s not a government job.  We want our federal highways maintained so we can get to our cottage estates faster, that is all.

Again, we cannot thank Minnesota politicians enough for keeping our tax rate lower than the middle and lower classes! 

We certainly love the suggestion made in the tax committee that NO corporate taxes should be paid so that we can keep our organizations here in Minnesota.  Wasn’t that just nifty of them?

Lovely people, contact us at BillionairesForCuts@gmail.com.  Our favorite chant is:

CUT !!      CUT!!      CUT!!      CUT!!      CUT!!      CUT!!

We are Minnesota’s most enlightened group.  Afterall, we have all that lovely money, don’t we? We must have done something right.

Show some compassion and charity where it truly counts because with YOUR help we can keep the donations rolling into the legislators to continue pushing our agenda for the State of Minnesota. 

Thanking you in advance for your kind help,
We remain,
Your Fortunate Few